Tuesday, January 29, 2013

You Do Too Much....

How often do you hear this or say this to someone? 

I have a lot to do and always find more to do.
I say it when I feel I have not done enough and see there is more to do. 

Trust me there is so much to get done and I often fail miserably in some things and excell in others.  Laundry no.  Keeping in touch with a scared confused young adult in Turkey at day 9 of her double cord blood transplant, I am jonny on the spot....

You can never tell what is really going on inside the mind of a cancer mom.  We are special kind of creature that is busy trying to remember what life was before cancer came and trying to get through each blip and disaster that comes our way.  We feel bad that our child has cancer and when you ask about it we try to make it okay for you.  We try to hit the good points and not dwell on the dreary reality.  Some would call it denial.  But know we know the reality and will deal with it later.

Part of how we deal is doing something we can do.  Read, needlepoint, quilt, write endless e-feedbacks and try to make things better. Write long endless blogs.  Garden.  Fail to garden.  Cook, shop, walk the dogs, go to events, organize events, spend time on Facebook, Internet research on better cancer treatments, clean house, organize pictures, scrap book, fill boxes with stuff that should be put in scrap books, finish projects, start projects, walk the dog, go out to eat, order in, shop, text, answer the phone, refuse to answer the phone, write letters, forget to mail the letters, take long showers, forget to take a shower, start a bunch of books and never finish them, fold a thousand and one cranes, forget how to fold cranes, worry that you did something to cause cancer, wonder how everyone else's children are doing, worried that they won't make it, wonder if life ever will return to normal, try and figure out if there will ever be a job that will take you given you don't know from day to day whether or not you are available.  


It is a weird life.  We do what we do to keep from going crazy.  Thank-you for your love and concern and support. 

We all do too much, lets hope it is too  much of all the right things.....

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