Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Process....vs. Event.

I have been strangly upset and stuggled the last couple of weeks.  Sort of freaked out and tense and worried. A general milaise. 
We went to watch Lincoln the other day.  I had not had the ability to consentrate or focus on anything.  When we came out of the movie I read the E-mail about Rebecca. 

I know this will sound awful but I felt calmer. I knew we were headed to the next level of this journey.  Her parents knew it was over, she was no longer struggling.  It is a calmer place. 

 I knew she was not going to survive the transplant.  Too many organ systems damaged and too much going on with her.  Her ball of yarn was so tightly tangled the yarn had to be cut and she had to go.  It took almost two plus weeks. 

That is such a disconcerting time.  Everyone comes to say goodby not knowing if they should or it is goodby. Everyone is there and supportive but as the parents you still want to push them away because their love and support is pre-mature.  Hard hard stuff.

Death is not easy, nor should it be. There is this long struggle between coming and going, staying and leaving and lots of waiting in-between. You want it over but then you don't want them to leave. 

Birth takes 40 weeks and a day.  Leaving is a lifetime, only you never know how long it is going to be.

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