Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Just Give Me the Answer!!!!!

"There are no Answers only Arguments"

Famous words spoken by Neil Franklin to his Civil Procedure class in about 1983.  One of the OCD CPA's that decided adding a JD to his name would be easy.  He wanted answers, he wanted certainty.  He was in the wrong world.  

Law is about change, pushing the envelope, finding new inroads to old systems.  It is about the creative expanding the boundaries of the old set rules.  Many things we take for granted were taboo and forbidden many many years ago.  Women voting, blacks voting, Asians and Whites marrying in King County, being able to marry anyone you wish, despite apparent gender designations. The law is giant amoeba and we are better for it. 

Medicine is very like law. Always learning, always changing, always developing.  Not that long ago the barber was bleeding patients and they were doing transfusions with goose quills and lamb blood.  Yes, we have come a long way but we still don't have all the answers. 

Childhood Cancer is a huge amorphous amoeba.   Every single person I have ever encountered has a Diagnosis Story.

We noticed _________________
We took the child to the doctor______ times.
We had___________ tests.
WE had ___________ scans.

They did not find it until________ months later. 

Common story.  Horrible stories. Great fear that if they had found it earlier something could have been avoided.  We know that if you catch the cold early the pneumonia won't come.  Wish that was the case with childhood cancers.  

Yes, early detection is good but boy I don't see it makes the treatment shorter or cancer is avoidable if you find it early.  It is sort of like being pregnant.  You are or you are not... 

There are so many times during this process that no answers are readily available.  Very few tests/scans/examinations or other woowoo magic give you the answer.  Most likely it is a process of elimination.  

Meb's sort of went like this.

Swollen Optic Nerves
Not high blood pressure
Not diabetes
Not kidney failure
Not leukemia (first blood draw)
Might not be a brain tumor
Mass sitting on the top sagital sinus
Maybe a brain tumor
Not metastasized bone tumor
Not a brain tumor

Oh, leukemia.  (second blood draw 2 months later in anticipation of biopsy of mass.

For years, yes years, Mary-E has had her blood cultured.  Only once has there been a positive.  They were used to exclude fungus, bacteria, lots of nasty things.  Only after something grows do they investigate further.  It is a long process and there are no answers, no easy answers. It is not TV medicine.  

We all want the easy answer.  Actually we would take any answer.  Even if it is a bad answer because the not knowing the answer is crazy making.  Not knowing makes me go to a dark scary horrible place. I meet many of my other peeps there.  The mom's waiting, wondering and hoping for a good outcome but we know. We know better.  We know it is bad.  
But then we think "It could be worse".  I remember sitting and waiting to see the brain surgeon at Seattle Children's.  We sat near the Hem/Onc desk and I watched the small bald headed children  being checked in. I said a little prayer and thanked God I was not waiting to see "Those" doctors.  Boy was I wrong...  

But we did finally get an answer.  We knew what the problem was and had a plan.  A way forward. It was a good thing.  

Knowing is always better than no knowing.  After you know you feel like you have SOME control over what is going to happen. It is a good thing.  Each and every time there is a levee in the road and you are frustrated and ready to pull out your hair and kill the next person who tells you "no we are out of blue berry muffing", you remind yourself that you know.  



Sometimes knowing has to be enough. 

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