I never realized it was gone but it has been gone for a long long time. I am not sure why but it was.
My dad was an adventurer. He saw the world as a place to learn and explore. He was curious and always had his nose in a book. He carried that curiosity with him throughout his life. When he went to college he squeezed everything possible out of it. He took lots and lots of different classes, Music and Art Appreciation, Photography to name a few. When we all went to college he encouraged we explore our passions.
I took a few classes, lots of history, Zoology even though it was not in my major or minor. I did take Music Appreciation. I learned a lot in both classes. I fell in love with certain pieces of music. One was the Mouldau a piece by Smetana. It is the musical story. The river starts as a small stream and moves to a big wild river, then on to a stolid reliable river and then ends up in the ocean.
It made me listen to music differently and in a way I never had before. I learned about recurring themes and refrains in symphonies and other such pieces of music.
I have historically loved lots of different kinds of music. No fond of Rap or long guitar rifts. I think mostly because I don't like loud banging. Enough of that goes on in my head most of the time. I don't need to have it enter from another source. Some Jazz is okay, not all. Squeaking does not make me happy. But some music resonates with me in ways I don't understand or why some and not other. Some melodies, some lyrics, some passages. I remember sitting in front of the stereo player listening to musicals we owned.
Over the past few years music was replaced by NPR. Seldom did I play music in the car. If I am traveling long distances I most often have Pod casts playing or a book going. If you asked me to go to a play I am much more likely to go than to a listen to music.
Something started to happen. Some music started to creep back in. It is seldom background noise, it is something that takes part of my brain to listen and it has not had any energy or extra power to do so for a long time. I think all the processing nooks and crannies have been filled with ANC, BMT, CPR, NED and all the rest of the stuff in Cancer World.
The ability started to wake up bit by bit. Patty took me to a U-2 concert ( not YouTube) I went to see Char, I found time for Mindy Smith, Rod Stewart finally came to town when I could see him. James Taylor and Carol King performed together. I made the journey to see Dixie Chicks. Bit by bit. Noise gave way to music.
One of my friends mentioned he had seen the Vancouver Symphony play James Bond music and I started poking around the Seattle Symphony home page. I had not looked at the schedule in a meaningful way for a long time. Maybe I could sit and be absorbed by music for more than 20 minutes. Maybe there was room in my being again. We received tickets for a Pops performance at the Symphony. I ended up going with my invisible friend Juliette Pinette. (I don't call her imaginary because you are the only one that can't see her.) It took about 12 seconds into a Sousa March for the levee break.
Oh yes, music is back. I bought two tickets before I left, went with ME last night to see Brahms' Second and have nailed down a subscription for the upcoming year.
Something is currently compelling about complete absorption into something so complicated and amazing. Something not of this world. It is a sort of drug. If I could be there every day sitting in the darkened quiet listening to the amazing sound from horns answering the violins and the triangle. The simple triangle. That simple moment of clear sound.
I guess the Music is back. Anyone want to join me for a bit of Beethoven or Stravinsky. No fur necessary.