Waves of Pain When a Child is Gone

Facebook has created a place for people to share. They share what they are eating, cute kitten videos and now the pain they experience when a child dies of cancer. 

We have been lucky enough to avoid this most heinous of losses but we always know it is there. It hangs around. I have watched it so many times these last few years.

I remember being on the floor when Meb was in treatment.  Sarah was dying. She had lost her battle with a nasty form of Lymphoma.  On the old floor people were moved to a private room and then a one on one nurse was assigned.  Then the people start to come and say good by.  We all watched as streams of young adults and family members came and went, beyond visiting hours.   

Then the Father showed up.... The hospital helped him come but he clearly was very uncomfortable.  He was standing in the hall one day looking very lost.  I approached him and told him I did not know his daughter but I could tell from what everyone had said, she was a great person.  Her greatness was only validated by all the people that were visiting and letting her know she was loved. 

He looked at me and told me there was going to be a miracle. They were going to fly her to another hospital and she would be well again. I put my hand on his sleeve and he simply grabbed me and I hugged him with all the strength I could muster.  He continued to hold back his tears and fear and terror.  A terror I can only imagine but I have felt emanate from so many whose children are now gone. Rebecca, Mario, Joseph,

Jaxon, Ruby.... this list goes on. 

Micheal was laid to rest yesterday. Allie will leave this planet soon.  Katie and Daniel are moving forward on their bucket lists with great alacrity. 

 It never gets easier. because there will be more.  But the miracles will continue to happen.  Really smart people will keep working to fix these kids.   And we will continue to believe it will be better someday.