Sunday, June 15, 2014

Family and Friends can only stand it so long.

This is not a criticism but more of an observation.  I am reading through my old blog posts and realize that over the years people have left our lives.  Some have come back and forth and other's have headed in new directions.  As every Momcologist can tell you, it is hard, so hard to hang in, day after day, week after week of what seems like an endless road.  

I read post after post of people confused about where their friends have gone.  How a family member can think one visit is enough.  They have filled in that box and done what they could to be supportive.  Usually at the beginning of the much too long and seemingly endless journey.

 I do understand how it happens.  If you watch TV, it seems so hard to believe curing cancer can go on year after year after year.  That the family never quite believes it is done and they worry endlessly about silly things. No movies, no big crowd events, no unvaccinated kids allowed.  No concerts, no, no, no, no.

We say NO so many time people stop asking. They stop trying to do stuff for us because we say No as a matter of course.  We become un-reliable. We stop even planning anything.  No plans to go out to dinner. No plans to meet people at a fun event. No plans to even have coffee.  It is so hard to grab hold of the concept that we can not make plans.  

I remember every time I tried to go to a play or a musical or a birthday party, I realized it was a very big "Maybe'.  No longer was there a way to plan or project.  Hey, we even had to cancel the Make-a-Wish trip to Venice.  No easy feat.

Your family and friends sort of get it but you are no longer on the same path.  No longer are you including people in everything you do. No longer can you be relied upon to bring the potato salad.  No longer can be the person to show up with the balloons for a party. 

I have been very lucky with the support my friends and family have given us.  There have been losses but those are part of life.  Some left because they couldn't stand it. Some left because they couldn't believe we were such whiners.  I think most did not have the energy or place to worry up close.  I know we are surrounded by prayer and given lots of support in ways we will never know.  St. Joe's with organization of Mr. Boyle took care of us for a long long time.  As Meb always says: There are some great cooks at St. Joe's.  

Not everyone has been so lucky. Lots of people in Cancer World that feel abandoned and alone. I never have.  I have found that as we emerge again from the protective Cancer World Cocoon they are ready to join up again and travel together.  

We have to realize we have been gone. Gone from the real world for a very long time. Sort of hanging around in space waiting.  Sort of like the space program. Everyone is excited about the launch and the landing.  Not able to keep too excited during the 3.5 years it takes to get to Mars.  It is human nature, not awful friends or family.  

Just think, if we had a choice we would hang out at a hospital using Purell every 20 minutes watching bad TV....   Heck no.  And it's okay. 

Our friends are still there, waiting for the all clear call.  

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